Archive for the ‘ Dispatches from the Culture War ’ Category

Religious Freedom: You’re Doing it Wrong

Just damn.

 

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Cold Day in Hell…

Congrats to Pat Robertson, whose severe idiocy has once again accomplished the unimaginable: making a Fox News anchor seem reasonable and even-handed.

It’s really time for Pat’s supporters to stop, ya’ know, supporting him.

Said it better than I could:

This guy girl is hilarious, and dead on regarding the Christian Right. She also gets the Doug Life award for “Best Hilariously Accurate Phrase” for referring to what the Moral Majority movement has become as an “insane clown posse”.

Go read it.

“Slow down, Pa, you just ran over Jesus!”

Andy Schlafly is a heretic. He’s the guy who started a new online Bible translation project, in which the Bible is translated the same way as Wikipedia is edited, which is of course the best way to do it. Soon your BIble will read: “For God so loved the world, that John Smith is a dumbass!! HAHAHA!”

If any of you have the stomach to look: Andy’s The Conservative Bible Project seeks to translate the Bible in such a way that “liberal bias” is removed. How? By using “Powerful Conservative Terms” for one thing. Also, they avoid “liberal wordiness”, by which they mean they don’t use “Yahweh”. Which is great, because if anyone ever wrote a book about me, I’d want them to avoid using my proper name as an expression of my hot conservative love for the modern nation-state of Amerisrael, or whatever country it is Andy lives in. That makes sense, right?

Just so everyone knows: the minute some evangelical leader expresses appreciation for this blasphemous insanity (and it will happen), I will point out that such compromise with the system is exactly the sort of idolatry that got Jesus killed, and start issuing anathemas. Now there’s a conservative term.

This is idolatry plain and simple, people. The conservative bandwagon just ran over Jesus, and we don’t care, as long as we can get some political power out of it. It’s just like that one guy said, “Better that one man die for the people, than that the whole nation perish.” And that guy was great! He went on to murder God, but aside from that, he preserved his country. For a few years. Then it was destroyed, and all the inhabitants either exiled or murdered. So…he turned out to be not so smart. There’s a lesson for us here somewhere, I just know it…

The War on Christmas

Good news from the American Family Association’s website:

“Gap has heard you loud and clear. After thousands of phone calls, emails, and petitions, Gap has just released a very “Merry Christmas” television commercial…As a result of Gap’s efforts, AFA is ending the Christmas boycott of the company.”

The latest skirmish in the war on Christmas has ended favorably, with the only casualty being a mannequin, who was treated for shrapnel and/or ice-skating wounds and released. It’s good to know that in America, harried moms can still buy the too-tight jeans made by enslaved children in other countries their teenage daughters need in order to present themselves as objects, and do it in a store that has been bullied into understanding the true meaning of that starry, long ago Bethlehem night. For a second there, I was worried we were losing the meaning of God’s risky birth to dirt poor parents in a dirty stable far away from anything resembling a safe place to have a baby. Thank God, the AFA has kept that from happening in the only way possible: political action!

Call me a softie, but I can almost see it now:

Joseph: (with that faraway look in his eye): “Just think, honey! One day, political action groups will cajole large corporations into recording T.V. commercials in which they give lip service to a holiday loosely based on what just happened here.”

Mary: “Um, I really need your help right now…”

Joseph: “They’ll use these commercials to sell clothing to popularity-hungry children. I mean, this is big. REAL big.”

Mary: “Seriously, I need some hel–”

Joseph: “Somehow, doesn’t that make all of tonight worth it?”

Mary: “What is wrong with you?!? Shut up and help me stop the bleeding!”

Joseph: “Ooh, Ms. ‘Full of Grace’ is getting a bit snappy, isn’t she?”

Ah, Christmas…

My two favorite things about this whole deal:

1. The commenter on the post linked above who said they hope Gap’s ‘change of heart’ was ‘sincere’. Do boycotts actually result in sincere changes of heart? Is that even the goal?

2. Victoria’s Secret is on the AFA’s “Naughty List” (an odd name, given that these are the same people who don’t like it when Santa stuff replaces Jesus) for not supporting Christmas. What exactly would Victoria’s Secret honoring Baby Jesus look like? Would they make the American Family Association’s ‘Nice’ list for it?

Fight on, brave Christians, and maybe soon even more companies will be afraid of our buying power. If instilling fear into companies by refusing to buy junk from them-instead promising to buy junk elsewhere-doesn’t honor Jesus’ birth, I just don’t know what does.